Is it hard to maintain your relationships because of your busy schedule?
Are you so preoccupied with checking off responsibilities that you’ve neglected your emotional needs?
Does it feel impossible to love without fear, like you’re always on the verge of losing your relationships?
You may obsess over pleasing others and taking care of all their needs because without their gratification, you feel like a failure. It’s as if the well-being of everyone—your friends, your partner, your kids or even your coworkers—depends on you. As a result, you end up burnt out and exhausted, with little room for self-care or reflection. You’re always going, going, going—both in the workplace and at home—and as successful as you are, your relationships may feel like they’re in rocky territory.
Perhaps you are struggling with depression or anxiety, but no one else really knows. You may keep your troubles bottled up because you don’t want to appear vulnerable or as if you can’t handle them. But now and then, you find it impossible to contain your feelings and you suffer outbursts of sadness or anger. People may see low patience or irritability in you, when in fact, the problem runs much deeper. They may view you as defensive and unapproachable because they don’t realize that you’re hurting inside.
Perhaps tell yourself: If only I had the confidence to be wrong and still know that I’m loved and supported.
With me, you have a safe space to explore your relationship challenges without any fear of losing someone’s trust. My goal is to accept you wholeheartedly and help you navigate your relationships with peace and assurance in who you are.
Those raised to be independent and responsible often have trouble understanding what it means to be happy. Why? Many of them grow up with emotionally unavailable caregivers and are forced to figure out life on their own. They learn to overcompensate for their lack of emotional connection by focusing on their career, education or entrepreneurship. As a result, they constantly add on to their plate without slowing down to process their emotions or lean on others for support.
While this kind of lifestyle often results in a fully developed professional life, it can lead to an underdeveloped personal life. It’s as if people are growing in one direction without growing in the other. In spite of their success, they end up with unfulfilling relationships because of how busy their lives are.
As someone who works closely with other African-American women, I know how much pressure we face to work hard for our families and in the workplace. Many of us are making our own money, starting businesses and leading in our careers. What’s more, our culture often identifies us as the person meant to change our family legacy.
As exciting as these developments are, they often take an emotional toll on us. We are expected to maintain a million responsibilities and these societal expectations have increased over time without enough opportunities for relief.
In relationship counseling, you have a chance to find relief and wind down from the pressures of the outside world. I want to help you clarify your relationship needs and enjoy the emotional connections you’ve been missing.
You may be hesitant to seek therapy because of how much you already have on your plate. The good news is that I do not take a “do more, be more” approach to treatment. Relationship therapy is a chance to slow down and maximize who you already are, tapping into the resources that lie within you. Whether your issues relate to marriage, friendship or a work relationship, I am confident that my approach to counseling can help you become the best version of yourself.
I take a holistic approach to the healing process, taking every area of your life into account. Together, we will look at what underlying issues impact your ability to connect with others, exploring any childhood trauma, abandonment or abuse that has affected your relationships today.
You may tell yourself that these problems happened a “long time ago” and do not impact you anymore, but the past’s effects on the psyche are very subtle. For instance, growing up with an untrustworthy parent or caregiver can make it hard to trust others as an adult. In this way, untangling the past can help you understand the troubles you experience today.
As we work together, I will help you understand the difference between people-pleasing behavior and compromising. You will learn to set boundaries for yourself to prevent you from feeling overworked, overwhelmed or having no room for self-care. Put simply, you will learn to say “no” when the temptation to people-please arises.
Most importantly, I aim to help you understand yourself rather than the people who have hurt or disappointed you. In this way, the focus always returns to your healing rather than your trauma. The goal is for you to rewrite your story from a more empowered place, focusing on your self-worth rather than your hurt and pain. I hope that you will increase your confidence, improve your self-esteem and learn to foster healthier relationships.
The approach I take in relationship counseling ultimately depends on your own unique needs. That said, one of the primary modalities I draw from is Internal Family Systems (IFS). At its core, IFS seeks to help you understand the relationship between your individual “self-parts.” One part of you may be intensely self-critical; another part may be hell-bent on people-pleasing; another may tell you that your self-worth depends on what you achieve. IFS will help you learn to balance these parts so that one of them does not control your whole self. This will make it easier to establish boundaries, learn to compromise and avoid overburdening yourself.
I have been a licensed clinical social worker since 2005 and have been in the field of counseling since 2001. I have helped many people achieve the relationships they want, and I believe I can help you do the same. I’m not here to change who you are—I’m here to help you understand who you are, allowing for greater self-confidence and healthier connections with others.
If you’re reading this page, you may be asking yourself:
What if I do therapy wrong?
What if I don’t change or make any progress?
If this is how you feel, I encourage you to take comfort in the fact that anxiety counseling is not a sprint. It is a place to slow down, unwind and feel heard and validated. Instead of pushing you to accomplish more, I want to help free you from the unhealthy thought patterns that are driving you to overwork yourself.
My sessions are private. No one else has to know what we talk about. Moreover, as admirable as independence can be, we are social creatures by nature and heal most effectively when we have the support of others. You don’t have to keep doing all the work alone. Just as you would seek a doctor for medical issues, it’s perfectly logical to seek a therapist for relationship problems.
You are not crazy—relationship troubles can happen to anyone regardless of how intelligent or resilient they are. My sessions are safe, nonjudgmental, and non-shaming. I’m not here to tell you that there’s something wrong with you. The focus is on healing, not a diagnosis or condition.
It takes two to tango—relationship problems rarely ever involve just one person. What’s more, therapy is not about pointing fingers or figuring out who’s right and wrong. It’s about helping you do the individual work necessary to bridge the gaps in your relationships and relate to others in a healthier way.
If you ever feel like your relationships are on the rocks, counseling can help you find peace in the midst of your uncertainty. To begin the healing process, you can schedule a free 15-minute consultation.